four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
