i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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