State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
