Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
