I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
