I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
