So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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