No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They took my balls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
