I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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