6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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