Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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