Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize