Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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