My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
