ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
