out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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