MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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