He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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