Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
