one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
