I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
