she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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