Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Enjoy the penises
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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