I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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