in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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