I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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