drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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