In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
