I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
