Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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