is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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