You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
