it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
