Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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