I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
