Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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