I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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