One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
