I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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