sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
