He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
