I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
