one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My life is pants optional.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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