watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
