The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
