the condom got lost in my hair
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
