You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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