So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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