Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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