but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
now i know why i became what i already was.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
