i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am available for nakedness
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
