heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
