The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
