Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
