Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
