My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
