She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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