the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
