Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
