Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now