Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.