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so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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