He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.