remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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