How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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