nut hugger
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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